Here we are at the close of another year and I find myself looking at the journey of 2009 and taking note of the milestones. It is amazing to see what has changed or happened in such a short period of time. Logically one year is about 1/70 of my life (assuming I live to be seventy), and yet in that small of a fraction of my life I feel I have experienced so much. It was less than 1 year ago that I wrote my first annual review, that I was worried I wouldn’t complete my first practicum and I was playing small (well smaller than I am now) trying to avoid my calling. 2009 saw me take many steps along my path and I am in a very different place now.
Raised Consciousness: The Main point of 2009
My Facilitator training is going very well. I completed my first practicum successfully and since then have completed my second practicum and I’m working on my third practicum which ends at the start of February. I find that my focus on being a facilitator and the training is raising my consciousness. I engage in activities more mindful of what I am doing and what I am feeling. This consciousness is rather new for me and thus it pervades my activities for 2009
I have met some big challenges and I have engaged in them in a variety of ways. I built a deck (which I have been and will continue to blog about) that brought to me many challenges, I was an actor on stage for the first time and I took on a leadership position at Evoco (where I work) which brings with it many opportunities to engage consciously. I wouldn’t say I met all of my challenges brilliantly, in fact I’d say I failed brilliantly some of the time. Judgements aside, however, all of the experiences I have had where I was consciously engaged have been very beneficial to me.
It is these experiences that reminded me of the saying we used back in elementary gym class, “It doesn’t matter if you win or loose it’s just a game”. This was my mantra because I was never any good at sports, however the actual quote is from a poem:
“For when the One Great Scorer comes
To write against your name,
He marks — not that you won or lost -
But how you played the Game.”
(from the poem “Alumnus Football”)
Grantland Rice (1880 – 1954)
This sums up my view of my past years journey. I am looking beyond the results of my challenges, to how I felt when I was engaged in the challenge and how I responded to the challenge.
In the past I would, and sometimes still do, react unconsciously to stimuli (kind of a Pavlov’s Dog). Now, as I practice becoming mindful about what I am experiencing, I am able to choose my actions, rather than just reacting, and by choosing I can produce different results. I don’t always engage my activities or challenges in a mindful manner, but I have made the commitment to reflect on what I have experienced and felt to see how I could have responded differently. My habit of reacting is a 37 year old habit, and that can make it rather a tough one to move, but I choose to practice bringing consciousness to my experience continually, even if it is after the fact. The more I practice mindfulness the closer it gets to being in the experience rather than after.
So what has changed that is bringing this raised Consciousness? Somewhere I began to realize that my experiences can provide valuable information for me. That through each experience, and how I acted in it, bring with them gifts. This required me to become mindful of my experiences, no matter how I would judge them, and see the gifts that they brought. Even the most painful experience brings with it the possibilities of an abundant life.
The Devil in the Details
I feel more and more like a leader. This is rather new for me, but it does feel right. I knew I was starting to feel like a leader when I claimed a promotion at work. I had been a developer (worker bee) at Evoco for 3 – 4 years and in that time I had several supervisors whom I reported to. When one of my supervisors was let go and his replacement decided after 5 months to resign it was announced that we were looking for another person externally to fill the position.
I wondered why we would look outside the company for this person. This would mean that I would spend 3 or so months training my new boss on their responsibilities. That seemed to be illogical so I approached my boss and submitted my candidacy for the position of ‘Maintenance Manager’. I was given the chance to prove my self and since February I have been working as the Manager of software maintenance. I am still somewhat stunned that I stepped up to this position as I never would have previously. This position gave me many opportunities to practice how I will be in a variety of situations and to practice being a leader.
A big portion of 2009 saw me doing things I have never done before. I took the concept of “Beginner’s Mind” and began playing in it. It [Beginner’s Mind] refers to having an attitude of openness, eagerness, and lack of preconceptions when studying a subject, even when studying at an advanced level, just as a beginner in that subject would. (Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shoshin)
This year I built a new Deck. I find that even I am getting tired of me saying that now, but the experience was so Profound and Life changing that I will continue to review it. This project gave me practice and experiences that have truly hit home and that is why they get their own blog. What makes this project beginner mind is how I approached it in a more conscious fashion rather than just pushing through to get the job done and it is the first large scale construction I have ever done for my self and my family.
I also did my first stint as an actor by being in the chorus and playing Mr. Fogg in Sweeney Todd. I have been a musician for about 27 years now, but this was my first run as a singer rather than Tuba player. I have also been involved in many musicals as a music director, but this was my first time as an actor. The whole experience challenged me, but provided some insights into my patterns and behaviors one in particular around balancing my facilitator temperament with my music director temperament.
The Big Milestone
The big milestone for me came in December on my 13th Wedding Anniversary in the form of a recommitment ceremony. Tarra and I have been talking about doing one of these for several years, but there were too many blocks which prevented us from going through. This whole year of our marriage has been about our old foundation crumbling away, making room for and building our new foundation together. The basis of our new Story and what can we commit to now.
I am honored and humbled that Tarra would choose to marry me again and proud to call her my spouse, my partner and my wife.
Finally
I’m reminded of the Quote that I used to open my 2008 review.
“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. ” – Ferris Bueller
This past year has been me practicing just that. I took the time regularly to stop and look around at my Life. This alone is probably the most profoundly affecting practice I started in 2009 and will continue it going forward.
I wish you all a very happy new year and I will see you 2010.
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Books Read or Reading
- Attracting Perfect Customers: The Power of Strategic Synchronicity by Stacey Hall and Jan Brogniez
- Strength for Life by Shawn Phillips
- Reframe Your Blame: How to be Personally Accountable by Jay Fiset
- He Revised by Robert A. Johnson
Movies Watched
- Knowing
- Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
- Star Trek
- Up
- FanBoys
- In Search of the Holy Grail: Understanding the Masculine Psychology
- A Gathering of Men
(for those that know me, they know I’ve seen way more movies — on average I watch about 3 movies a week)
Podcasts
- The New Man
- The Mind of Men
